What a difference a year makes.

I'm going to skip over the fact that I haven't blogged in a month of Sundays.  There's no good excuse...so how bout we just let it slide?  I'd really appreciate it.

Let's start this new blogging season off with a story of God's faithfulness.

A year ago I wrote this blog.

Man alive was that a hard day to put into words.  I didn't understand why I was so compelled to write that blog at the time.  I didn't want to seem like a whiny hiney (I have a tendency to whine), I also knew that the season we were going through needed to be put out there.  Let's face it, we are not the only family who go through things that long to hear someone Else's story.  AND I  really needed to use my blog as a therapy session...it's much cheaper that way. 

So, here we are a year later.  Guess what!??!!!  My house is full of babies now!  God's beautiful gifts didn't come in the package I thought they would.  But despite my skeptical unbelief  He blessed us with 2 amazing little boys. 

As I cried myself to sleep on February 1st 2011 I had no idea that one of my babies was just waiting to be united with us, and the other baby was still baking in his biological mothers belly.  God had heard and answered the cries of my heart before I ever knew it.  He's awesome.

I often wish I could look into the future and see what all is in store.  I kid myself into thinking it would cut down on the tears I often shed about the uncertainty of what lies ahead. 

Other times the thought of knowing what the future holds scares the snot out of me.  So, after this past year of all it's ups and downs (smiles and frowns! hahahaha) I'll stick to whatever God has in store for my life.  I don't need to see into the future, because as a christian I must practice faith in God's plan for my life. 

Just as a I prayed this blog would be it reminds me of where we've been.  The lows of how we've felt, and then God's provision and the highs that living in accordance to His path for our life feels. 

I am so thankful to have a niece that turned one year old this week, and I'm so thankful that I was able to bring all 3 of my children to her birthday party.

 My, my, my, what a difference a year makes!

Behind the scenes

Variety.  It's the spice of life. 

You'll find recipes here, you'll find a good laugh, you might find recommendations, you'll hear funny blackmailing stories about my children, and you'll also hear about topics that go a little bit deeper, and delve into struggles we face. 

We are going through a difficult time right now.  You can read about that here.  It just so happens that we're human, we are Christians and we will face trials and tribulations.  Life won't always be peachy.  Try looking in the bible for that.  Peachy wasn't promised. 

As I've been coping with our recent health issues and the complications that have followed I started reflecting on the past when I've felt hopeless, or lost, confused, sad, and broken. 

I don't feel that I can share with you our struggles without also sharing with you the deliverance and answered prayers that have came later on down the road.  Despite the trial or tribulation God was always working out things for our good behind the scenes.  We didn't know it then, but we know it now.  That is the hope, the promise and the rock that I stand upon now.  I don't know why what is happening is happening, but I do know that God is working in this situation and He is working it out FOR OUR GOOD.  It may not be discovered today or tomorrow but it will come to pass, and when it does we'll proclaim that even through this heartbreaking season God was working behind the scenes. 

Let me share with you some "behind the scenes" work.

On Easter this year our church did an outreach ministry.  Our pastor reached out to all the expecting mothers in the area (and beyond) because He felt lead to provide them a baby shower a huge multi-pregnant lady baby shower.  On Easter Sunday he invited all the expecting mothers (there were LOTS of them) to come down to the front of the church and share with them that the church would like to provide them with baby supplies and a shower.  (side note: our church is in a low income area of town and without the church providing these baby supplies the babies would have gone without so it was a wonderful outreach program). 

Well let me tell you one thing right now.  I was sitting in the left corner of my back pew falling into one million pieces.  Before me stood multiple ladies who had the desire of my heart.  They were pregnant.  I was not.  I was broken.  If I could have disappeared I would have been gone in a flash.  It was one of the hardest moments of my life.  Facing the fact that 20+ women stood before me pregnant as pregnant can be, and there I was barren, sad, and heartbroken.  Then the sobbing broke out, my entire body shook under the heartbreak of what stood before me and the heartbreak of never being able to have what those ladies had.  Where was God?  Where was the comforter?  Where was the peace that passes all understanding?  Where was MY healing?  Why weren't MY prayers being answered? 

Now...let me tell you what God had going on "behind the scenes".

Easter was on April 24th.  The little baby that is laying beside me at this very moment was born on April the 12th.  When I was broken, God already had a baby out there for us.  He was 12 days old.  That was where my God was, that was the answer to my prayers, that was the desire of my heart.  I was begging God for my baby and my baby was already 12 days old. 

I don't know how long this baby will be with us, we have hope that this is our forever family. 

So, whatever your going through, no matter how broken, discouraged and lost you may be feeling.  Take courage, God is working behind the scenes.  Your deliverance may be done the road, but your deliverance is most certainly coming.  It's coming in Gods time. 

I don't know why we have suffered multiple miscarriages, I don't understand why my body can't do what a woman's body should do, I don't understand why I'm facing problems and scares that threaten my health. 

What I do know is that God is working in this situation, and "farther along, we'll know all about it, farther along we'll understand why". 

Work is going on behind the scenes, and as we climb this mountain relying on faith every step of the way I know that deliverance will come in His time. 

Here is another real life behind the scenes testimony!

What you do with what you have

The one the only.  Aunt Nanette.

When I was a teenager and really starting to develop my love for singing I had a conversation with my Aunt Nanette.  Growing up (and still to this very day) I ADORE my Aunt Nanette's voice.  Aunt N.  and my grandmother used to sing a song and I can recite every single word of that song to you to this day.  For questioning minds that song is The King of Who I Am.  Man, I love that song.  But I really loved the passion in both my aunt and grandmothers voice when they sang it.  Gives me glory bumps just thinking about it. 

Anyway, the conversation took place on Aunt Nanette's couch sometime in the late hours of the night.  Aunt Nanette lives in Florida so anytime we had the opportunity to be together going to sleep usually was the least of our concern...or at least it was the least of mine.  She told me that it isn't the degree of our talent that matters but how it affects people.  She said that you didn't have the best voice, but you did need to have a unique voice.  That conversation has stayed with me all these years. 

Allen and I recently were watching a Gaither Special...yes we watch Gaither Specials.  A lot.  I love them.  A lot.  This particular special was highlighting the life, marriage, and music of Howard and Vestal Goodman.  Many may not know this couples legacy, but let me tell you The Goodmans were staple music in my home growing up, and Allen gets weak in the knees and goes into a crying fit at the mere mention of Vestal's name.  He loves her.
 

If you really listen to Vestal's voice you may realize that as far as talent goes...it isn't overwhelming.  She isn't a Mariah Carey, or someone who has extreme talent.  Now, when I really started dissecting her voice and came to this realization I was flabbergasted.  How in the name of all things southern gospel could I be saying that Vestals voice wasn't overwhelmingly talented.  Ask anyone who likes southern gospel music about Vestal and they may just fall to pieces thinking about her voice they love it so much.  Saying Vestal doesn't have a talented voice is sacrilegious in the southern gospel world.  So, I started thinking...and then Aunt Nanette's conversation from many years ago came into my mind. 

What Vestal may lack in talent she makes up for in presence.  She may not be able to hit high notes and do runs but when she opens her mouth peoples spirits are stirred.  In fact, during the special they had a segment with George Jones.  Some years ago George Jones was horribly depressed.  He stopped all contact with friends and family and those close to him were afraid he may be tempted to take his life.  Then, George asked to see Vestal Goodman.  He wanted to speak with her.  Immediately Vestal came off the road and went to see George Jones.  They had an in depth conversation and George quickly came out of the depression that had taken over his life and music.  When asked about the conversation Vestal stated that she went to George's house and ran that ole devil off.  Well, there you have it.  Later, they went on and recorded several songs together.   Her presence, her voice, her talent, every single bit of Vestal is unique.  She embraced that.  She embraced the fact that God made her different, and because she loved her creator and choose to devote her life proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ he blessed the talent she did have and multiplied it so that it touches all those that hear it.  George didn't ask for Vestal because she was the most talented in the field of music, he asked for her because he knew she had something that could help him in his hour of need.  She KNEW someone who could heal him in his hour of need. 

So while we may not be the best singer, mother, wife, daughter, employee, or person.  We are most certainly unique.  So, instead of trying to be "that" mother, "that" wife, "that" musician, "that" WHATEVER.  Try being the wife, mother, daughter, employee, and person that God designed you to be. Flaws and all.  Embrace the things that make you different, and use that to glorify the one who created them.  Encourage your children to embrace what makes them unique and what sets them apart from others...those differences are there for a purpose and and plan. 

Vestal allowed the Holy Spirit to change lives by being a vessel.  She sang the way God designed her to sing and because of that lives were changed.  Was she the best singer?  No.  Was her voice unique and crafted by her creator?  Yes.

So my prayer is that I allow the tallent God has given me however small it may be and whatever it may be to be multiplied so I can show others the love of my Savior, be a unique vessel that allows my life to lead people to the Savior of the world. 

Love them today.

Since the arrival of the two babies we've been asked one particular question at least one bazillion times by complete strangers, family, friends, acquaintances, the bag boy at the grocery store, random homeless people...OK so not that last one.  I threw it in there to see if you were paying attention.

Here's the question phrased a couple different ways.

"what will you do if you can't adopt them and they go back to their parents?"

"What will you do if they take them away?"

I by no means would call us "seasoned" foster parents.  We've had many different experiences and many different children, but not nearly as many as most.  So I'm not sure if my way of doing this is the best way to go about it but through losing Gabby and Anna and then going through our other foster children (and teens) who have been in our home I'm doing this the best way I can, and the only way my emotions will let me.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt I will be devastated if these boys have to leave us, those thoughts cannot dictate my life and my relationships it isn't fair to anyone...especially my children who need me today. 

My answer is always the same to these questions.

I love them today. 

I wake up in the morning and dedicate every breath, and every moment of my day to ensure they are loved...today.  They are my children regardless of who they came from or what they came from and they will be treated like I would treat a child that I've adopted or birthed (although the birthing hasn't  happenedd)

I adore them...today.  I refuse to let my mind wander into tomorrow and the things it may bring.  If I am constantly worried about if or when we will be able to call these 2 babies "Pruitt's" then that is valuable energy I am wasting that I could be giving to my boys today.  I never want to pull back, or be hesitant to grow strong and lasting bonds and if my thoughts constantly center around when or if they leave is a vicious cycle that I will not start. 

They are mine today.
I love them today.
I am their mother today.
They are my sons today.

Today.  That's all I have with them, and that's all you have with your children/husband/parent/friend/sister or brother.  Tomorrow isn't promised for anyone.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds it.  The creator of tomorrow has commissioned me to love these children TODAY, and He'll work the rest out. 

 Love them today. 
Make memories with them today.
Make their life amazing today.

An answer to prayers. Many, many prayers

As many of you know Allen and I have been anxiously awaiting God to answer the cries of our heart to have more children. 

We've waited, waited, received phone calls about babies and for one reason or another those offers/opportunities didn't work out.  So we have continued to wait and pray.

And cry, and have emotional breakdowns and fall apart in the baby aisle at every store, and cry, and cry, and cry, have nervous breakdowns when encountering a baby, cry, cry, heartbreak, cry, and cry...o wait that was me.  Allen has been able to hold himself together better then me.  Basically the "waiting" process has been HORRIBLE! 

We knew that God had babies out there for us, but we wanted them in our time.  BTW "our" time was like 2 years ago. 

Ethan has always said "mamma Jesus will give us 2 baby brothers" or "We're gonna have 2 baby brothers one day".  This has gone on for about a year now, and each time he would say it we would respond with "well we hope so" or "we need to really pray for that".  Then I would find a corner to cry in...I fall apart easily can you tell?

Yesterday morning Ethan came into my room and woke me up, which is very odd because I am ALWAYS up before him he is NOT a morning person.  My baby boy loves his sleep...as does his mamma.  He woke me up and pointed to the room that would "someday" be a nursery and said
"Mamma we need to get that room ready, our baby brothers are coming". 

I was still reeling from waking up and the heartbreak of telling my precious son that would probably not be happening.  I got up and we went about our daily routine. 

At 1:30 yesterday afternoon I received a phone call.  It was our foster agency wanting to know if we were interested in 2 little boys.  A baby, and a small toddler.  We will be getting our 2 "baby brothers" today at 2:30.  Ethans baby brother are in fact coming very soon. 

As I type this blog out there is so much I want to share with you, but I'm afraid there arn't words to express what is reeling through my brain and heart. 

• I am thankful that Ethan kept the faith when I did not
• I am thankful that God didn't give up on my dreams when I did
• I am thankful that we are providing a home for "2 baby brothers"
• I am thankful for friends and family who have helped sustain me through these months and years of brokeness.
• I am thankful for a God who loves me and hears me, when I don't stop my whining to listen to Him. 
• I am thankful for a husband who is just as overjoyed as I am to welcome 2 "baby brothers" into our home
• I am thankful that God kept us from all the babies we ALMOST receieved, because His plan was for us to have these "baby brothers'. 

Thank you Jesus for hearing the cries of my heart.  Thank you for having a plan and a purpose, and for making my dreams come true.  Thank you for your faithfulness despite my attitudes, unbelief, and skeptical feelings. 

Just to Name a Few: SECOND edition.

I had such warm, positive and encouraging responses from my first edition of the differences I have noticed since jumping the southern baptist ship and riding the Pentecostal roller coaster that I thought I'd name a few more! 

Again, let me state for the record this is MY OBSERVATIONS.  It is coming from a place of love and a whole whole lotta laughter.  I ADORE my Baptist raising and I LOVE my current Church family.  There are quite a few differences and I choose to let those bring me laughter, I know Jesus as my personal Savior and try to live a life pleasing to Him.  I stumble and fall and my gracious heavenly father shows mercy and compassion to me when I do.  Last time I checked squabling and picking sides over which denomination has it right isn't merciful, loving, or compassionate.  Find a church that preaches the bible and treats people as Jesus would treat them and start serving.  Whoop!  Glory!  I just preached on ya!  I guess thats what being married to a pentecostal man will do to a little southern baptist girl! 

Lets get started...

I am an only child.  I love every moment of it.  Wouldn't change it for the world. Growing up as a southern baptist I often heard "your my sister in Christ".  It was left at that.  When I was referred to it was always as my first name, a nickname, or if someone was having memory problems I turned into "Kim's daughter" or "Terry's little girl" or "Eddie and Prissy's grandbaby".

When I went off and married a crazy pentecostal I turned into a SISTER!  Huh?  What?  Confused!  I am now "sister Becky", or "sister Pruitt".  I still have a hard time answering to those names.  I ain't never had no sister (pardon the horrific grammar...I used it for added effect), I ain't never wanted no sister, I ain't no sister! 

I answer to a multitude of names like...
Ethan's mom
Allen's wife
Jerk
Snot head
Butt hole
Becky
Beck a roo
Punkin head
butt hole
butt head
butt hole (get my drift?)

anyway...what I'm saying is I have to remind myself that I'm now "sister Becky" or "sister Pruitt" when conversing with church folk.  Sidenote:  I actually heard someone call Ethan (who is a whopping 6 years old) Brother Ethan the other day.  I peed myself.

If you are the pianist in a baptist church COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!  Your job is ten times easier then if you're the pianist of a Pentecostal church.  I have actually seen my husbands fingers BLEEDING when the service was over because he played SO much.

Baptist Pianist plays..
-a few hymns and a choir special
-the taking up of the offering
-the benediction
-then go home and eat fried chicken

Pentecostal Pianist plays...
-before the service opens
-the 187 praise and worship choruses
-94 choir songs
-DURING the pastors sermon for added effect
-During the alter call which could last anywhere from 7 hours to 76 hours
-And as people exit the service.
All of that is just when the spirit DOESN'T move...you'll be working on your calluses if the spirit does move ;)

My hat goes off to all involved in the music department of a pentecostal church.  Nothing can be said about your work ethic!

If you have something you need to "take to the alter" and Lord knows we all do, you might get a little lonely in a baptist church.  Baptists often (at least in my experience) let you work it out with you and GOD.  Nobody gets involved except the Lord....which in my opinion is the only one who matters. 

If you plan on "taking it to the alter" in a pentecostal church be prepared for a meet and greet.  Because before, during and after you are "taking it up with the Lord" you will be touched, shoved, jumped on, yelled at, and danced on....by a lot of "brothers and sisters" it's OK we're just praying for you.  Don't be shy, we wanna hear all about your issues and be expected to testify on it at the end of the service.  Thanks, have a good day, and don't forget to leave money in the offering plate, the PM service starts in 10 minutes.

On Sunday mornings growing up it was never stressed to me to eat breakfast.  After all we'd be back home to eat lunch fairly soon.  In fact we'd be back at exactly 12:10. Baptists keep time quite well. 

Pentecostals need to eat a good hardy breakfast.  A powershake, something light and healthy that will produce a lot of energy and sustain you for VAST amounts of time.  There is no telling when you'll make it to the buffet for lunch...or if they will still be serving lunch when you get there.   So pack an energy bar for good measure, it takes a lot of work to jump them pews!

Of course there was quite a lot of changes to get used to when I made the big switch but one change that still gets me is prayer time. 

At a Baptist Church...
the pastor prays while the congregation SILENTLY and WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED pray.  Sometimes we let the pastor intercede on our behalf...again SILENTLY AND WITH ALL HEADS BOWED AND ALL EYES CLOSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At a Pentecostal Church...
The pastor prays out loud, sister bertha prays out loud, brother ernest shouts a little bit, sister peggy sings a song she wrote on her way into church about what the Lord has brought her through this week, everybody is eyes wide open and looking around for someone to fall out, everyone is audibly praying and it ain't over till the last brother shouts AMEN! 

Well guys, that is all I can do for this installment of "Just to name a Few".  Again, these are things to LAUGH about.  I try and keep it light here at "Ups and Downs, Smiles and Frowns".

I can face uncertain days

Have you ever heard the saying "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all?"

That saying was drilled into every aspect of my childhood when I was growing up, and it is something that has stuck with me all the way into my adult life. 

I haven't blogged in a while (my sweet husband did recently and I was so touched at his words).   The reason behind it is because I haven't had a lot of nice things to say so I decided not to say (or blog) anything at all.  I didn't want this blog to turn into a soap box or gripe session and I knew if I sat down to write out a blog that is all I would be able to do.  I am now at a point where I can write without getting lost in a bitter nonsensical mess.

On April the 15th our family came under a huge attack from Satan.  It isn't something I can share with the world because of confidentiality contracts but it is safe to say that this attack left us broken beyond words.  As I sit here on May the 14th I can tell you that I believe God has this all worked out and life will soon return to normal...or at least our version of normal.  I am learning to stand strong in the Lord like I've never had to do before, to trust in His promises for our lives, to thank God for the battle because the victory belongs to the Lord.

Foster parenting is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and the past month has proved that.  I still have a strong desire to continue serving the Lord in this capacity and look forward to planting seeds in as many children as the Lord chooses to send us. 

Being a Christian doesn't mean that we will never face troubles or hard times, but being a Christian DOES mean we will never EVER, EVER, EVER face them alone. 

I don't know if you are facing a battle in your life right now, but here are some scriptures and words of encouragement that have kept me going through our tribulations. 

(Psalms 46:1) 1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Ephesians 3:20) 20 Now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,

(John 16:33) 33 I have told you these things, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have oppression; but cheer up! I have overcome the world.”"

(Matthew 11:28-30) 28 “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”"

"He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
and the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
but He said help would always come in time
just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
and the adversary says give in
just hold on, our lord will show up
and he will take you through the fire again"

And my favorite of all, the words I cling to every moment of the day...

"I CAN FACE UNCERTAIN DAYS, BECAUSE HE LIVES"

To all who read this blog take comfort because no matter what tomorrow holds...Jesus will take care of you.

Just To Name A Few

As I have mentioned in previous blogs I was raised southern Baptist.  Very southern Baptist.  Then I went and married an amazing man who just so happens to be a licensed Church of God minister.  After long, long, long, long discussions about theology and denominational differences we felt if would be best for me to go to church with him.  This also had a lot to do with the fact that I moved to Tennessee where he was already an established member and served many roles at his church.  If the tables were turned and we lived in my hometown he would have transferred membership to my church where I was an established member and served many roles.  What I'm trying to say is when it came to the "hot button" issues that separate most denominations we always agreed on the same things.  As long as our church of choosing preaches the word of God and follows the teachings of Jesus Christ we're game.

I could end here, but that would be very boring.  My grandpa always said I had the ability to shut up, but not the brains to allow myself to.  I guess you could say that about my blogging too!  Put all of your theological views aside because this blog will NOT be addressing those.  Allow me to share with you some of the differences I've encountered since the big "denominational change".  Feel free to laugh your tail off.  It isn't sacrilegious, God has a sense of humor to ya know!

-If you have somewhere to be after church then  I recommend going Baptist.  If you would like to make it to your restaurant of choosing before anyone else I recommend going Baptist.  Pentecostals are just warming up when Baptists are saying the benediction prayer. 

-If you have narcolepsy or have trouble staying awake when sitting down then a Pentecostal church is right up your alley.  About the time you feel the need to grab a quick nap someone will let out a holler that will scare the living daylights out of you.  Chances are  you will not have enough time to fall asleep because Pentecostals stand up the majority of the service.  I don't recommend wearing high heels, your feet will hate you at 3:00 when the service that started at 10:00 is finally over.  Leave the high heels to the sleepy Baptists. 

-If your children are loud and do not sit still you may find a Pentecostal church less stressful.  If your children start talking in audible noises at a Baptist church they will most definitely be heard, not the case with the Pentecostals!  My kids don't even have to whisper! Church is so loud no one can even hear them!

-It is perfectly safe and non hazardous to your health to sit on the front row of a Baptist church.  In my opinion I think you should have to sign a waiver to sit on the front row of a Pentecostal church.  My first experience with the front row of a Pentecostal church ended up in bruises all up my leg due to a very excited gentleman falling on top of me while "in the spirit".  I'm not kidding, you can't make this stuff up.

-If you sing and want to feel good about yourself then please try singing at a Pentecostal church.  The reaction from the congregation will make you feel like a rock star.  I've sang at a few Baptist churches and when I was done I had no clue if the congregation could even hear me.

-Hard of hearing?  I've got the solution for you!  I've noticed Pentecostal preachers will repeat themselves...often.  So if you didn't catch what they said the first time around don't worry it is going to be repeated in a much louder voice.  For example:

A Pentecostal preacher may say...
 "CHURCH!  I'm here to praise the Lord!  I SAID CHURCHHHHHHHH!!!!!  I AM HERE TO PRASE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A Baptist preacher may say...
 "Welcome."

These are a few of the differences I have observed...these are also a few of the differences I laugh about.  At the end of the day we can either choose to unite or break apart.  I choose unity...and laughter!   

6 Years Ago

Six years ago a little boy came into the world.  He was named Ethan Paul Johnson.  Despite all her efforts his biological mother would not be able to take care of him due to severe illnesses.  She would pass away two years later.  Two years after that the state would rule that his biological father was also not eqquiped to handle this now four year old little boy.  Four years of life had not treated Ethan the best.  He was worn down.  He was angry, lost and scared.  He didn't know about love, or compassion.  He knew about survival. 

Six years ago I was in unfortunate circumstances that I had created all by myself.  Unlike Ethan the only person I could blame the mess of my life on was myself.  I was doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it with no regard to who I hurt.  I was hiding behind a mask and I no longer knew who I was or what I was doing.  Instead of re-evaluating my current situation and making efforts to improve myself I dug deeper and deeper into a life of sin and diseption.  I was angry, lost, and scared.  Over the next few months I would lose everything.  My familys trust that I had worked 20 years to build.  I would lose a relationship that I no longer needed to be in but was to afraid to end.  I would come very close to losing my life.  The worst part...I would lose me.  I wasn't funny, or joyful.  I didn't crack jokes and laugh.  I was hard, bitter, ugly, and in complete and total shambles.  I was far away from God's will for my life.  I was to ashamed to pray, and to proud to ask forgiveness.  Surely God had forgotten all about me.  I wanted God to forget about me, I didn't want God to see what I had become. 

In January 2005 God hadn't forgoten all about me.  He was working out a plan for my life when I was drowning in sin.  He brought a little boy into this world that would later become my son.  I couldn't have comprehended what God was doing six years ago even if you would have told me.  Ethan is the grace of my life.  Ethan proves to me everyday that no matter where I am or how far away I am that God will never and has never forgotten about me.  He is currently working out a plan for my life that I can't comprehend.  When I deserved to die in the mess I had created completely and utterly lost God's mercy was creating a life for me better then I could have ever imagined. 

Ethan would need a mother who could take care of him, who was not plauged with sickness.  A mother who could provide for him what his biological mother could not.  In 2005 I was not that mother.  I was selfish and unable to make wise desicisons for my life, let alone the life of a child.  God knew all this.  He knew what it would take to bring me back to Him.  He was molding and shaping my future all along. 

I'm not proud of that time in my life, and I don't offer up this story very often.  God delivered me out of my old lifestyle renewed my joy and restored my heart.  I was never too far that the hand of God could not deliver me. 

I don't know what I felt like of January 15th of 2005.  I often wonder if that day felt different, if I had a renewed hope for my future.  My son came into the world that day, and he would need me to be the best mother I could be when it was time for me to step into that role. 

In June of 2009 I met the grace of my life.  He came in the body of an angry little boy.  A little boy who had faced more in four years than any adult that I know.  He had been abused, neglected, and forgotten.  He looked at me and Allen with nothing but distrust and hatred.  I knew within the first 24 hours that he was my son and we fought every single day to keep him with us.  I recognized his fear, identified with his hatred, and lost myself in crying over his abandonment.  I had been there, I remembered those feelings and I knew God had sent him to me so we could help each other.

That little boy turns six today.  He has a bright future ahead of him and is excited to embark on every adventure imaginable.  His new name is Ethan Riley Pruitt.  He has a mommy and a daddy who love him more then words could ever say.  He is and always will be the grace of my life.   

Happy Birthday Ethan Riley Pruitt!

Isaiah 9:6 Series

Our children's Christmas play at church this year is centered around Isaiah 9:6 
We've all heard the verse especially at this time of year, but this week I would like to elaborate on the names given to Jesus.  I need to remember this every day of the year, especially during the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season.  Check back daily for the new posts discussing this verse.

Wonderful Counselor:  I think that every word in the bible is jam packed with meaning and purpose.  I don't think anything is there by mistake.  So the fact that Wonderful Counselor is the first name given to Jesus isn't by accident.  I can't speak for anyone else but in my life I need a Wonderful Counselor...wait actually I can speak for everyone else because Jesus wouldn't have been given that name if He didn't have the capabilities to fit the job description.

I love watching Dr. Phil.  I know not everyone shares this belief but I think he gives good, solid, honest, advice.  I call my Ma and aunts several times during the week not just to talk to  but to get advice.  My Ma has raised many a child so she is usually my go-to for parenting tips and tricks.  My Aunts have always been my "soft place to land" no matter how big I've messed up, or how crappy I am feeling they always have the ability to lift my spirits and make me feel better.  During our infertility struggles Aunt Susan (Allen's aunt) has been my go-to person for the feelings and experiences that accompany this journey. 

Reaching out and seeking advice and counsel is important.  What is even more important is making sure we seek out wise counsel.  I am very guilty of taking advice from people who do not have the credentials to guide me in the direction I need to go.  We all have people in our life who offer us their advice and opinions who truly have no clue what they are talking about.  Someone who tells you how to raise your children when they don't have any, Someone telling you how to handle your marriage when they has never gone through what your going through, Kirstie Alley giving weight loss advice...OPPS!  That one just slipped out! 
Anyway I have to constantly remind myself who is the "wise counsel" in my life, and who isn't.  But it doesn't end at seeking out wise counsel we then have to follow through with the advice given.  That is the hard part.  Sometimes the best advice is the hardest to follow.  As for the worst advice?  It is usually easy to follow. 

So how does the tiny baby born in a manger in the city of David play into all this?  He was born into this world to be our all accessible Wonderful Counselor. 

“The Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him, The Spirit of wisdom and understanding, The Spirit of counsel and might, The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord.” Isaiah 11:2 (NKJV)

Jesus doesn't hold 9-5 business hours.  You never need to set up an appointment.  There isn't anything you are going through that Jesus doesn't have the ability to help you through.  He has all the credentials to fit this title.

He understands your struggles
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15

It is my hope and constant prayer that I never forget, or take for granted that Jesus is my Wonderful Counselor.  There isn't anything He can't help me through.  Jesus cares for me and asks I turn all my worries over to him. 

This year as I try and focus on the wonder of the Christmas story I want to center my thoughts around who the baby in the manger really is, what He came to do, and what He is still doing in my life. 

One of the few

I hope this blog is one of few I ever have to write.  In fact I have typed this and deleted it about 5 times.  In a few weeks, months, or years I want to look back and remember this time in our lives as a reminder of God's faithfulness.  Whatever happens through this time of uncertainty and pain I know is part of a bigger picture I can't see yet. 

I am currently on strict bed rest.  I had an ovarian cyst rupture and now my right ovary is inflamed and infected.  Through this I have felt very overwhelmed, saddened, and frustrated.  It is the desire of my heart to have children, and this complication endangers that dream.  So the physical pain this is causing doesn't seem to hurt as bad as the emotional pain. 

My head knows that this is just a season and that "this to shall pass".  My heart is having trouble grasping that.    So if you don't mind saying a prayer for us, I would really appreciate it.

Busy Blogger

I have been a busy blogger today so check these out!

You can't beat a good casserole
Where my heart is
The Mouth of my Babes
What would you like to come home to?

Where my heart is

I have gone back and forth on if I should post this or not, and I have finally decided that I should.  This blog serves many purposes.  It helps me keep in touch with people that I ordinarily wouldn't be able to keep in touch with, I hope to help and encourage, and invoke laughter and thought in my readers, and its a record of our lives.  So much happens that I never want to forget and now I will always have this to look back on. 
A forewarning now:  this blog has the potential to be extremely long.

The reason I feel compelled to write this blog is because I am clinging to God's promises in an area of our life.  It is the desire of my heart to have a baby.  When I say "have a baby" I don't necessarily mean ME giving birth to a child, although I think that would be amazing!  If it is through adoption or biological I am happy either way.  Allen and I have been trying for almost 3 years, and still no baby.  We have been foster parents for 2 years and no permanent baby has came yet.  (I know that their are women that have tried for much longer than we have and I feel guilty even putting this out there.)

Infertility can really wreak havoc on a marriage, a person, your emotions, your entire family, your friendships.  I had no idea the affects it can cause. I am so blessed I feel Allen and I communicate on this topic and try to be aware of each others feelings.  I have to remember that infertility is just as hard on him as it is on me, as a woman I often feel like its my fault, my problem, my issue, when in fact it is our mountain to climb not my mountain alone.  Due to the crazy hormone levels my body goes through to say I am an emotional wreck doesn't come close to describing me 95% of the time. 
I counted the number of women around me who are pregnant right now and the grand total was 17!  Then if that wasn't a big enough kick in the stomach I proceeded to count the number of women I knew who had just had a baby in the last 6 months and that total came to 19!  To say I am not overcome with jealousy would be a lie, and this blog isn't about sugar coating how wonderful a journey this can be.  The truth is sometimes it just stinks.  It is my constant prayer for God to help me overcome the feelings of jealousy.  Several things typically happen when I am face to face with a pregnant person or a baby.  Sometimes I run as fast as I can in the opposite direction because facing it often feels like the worlds largest knife plunging itself into my heart.  Sometimes I try and speak to the person and congratulate them and all I can do is cry.  On good days I can carry on a conversation and try and be somewhat respectable.  I don't know why I have the urge to put all this out there because it is quite embarrassing, but there is someone out there who needs to read this of that I am sure.  If I can help one person get through one struggle then all of this is more than worth it.
So this is the mountain we are climbing.  Please don't take this as nothing but a negative and bitter blog because it so not that at all.  This is my opportunity  to share the struggles we all face in some way or another.  I serve a miracle working God, and I have not lost faith that He has a plan far greater then anything I can imagine.  He has his own time table.  God hasn't forgotten about us, and when I pray He isn't surprised to find out we don't have a baby yet.  If we are being completely honest even if God does not have it in His plan to answer our plea, then HE IS STILL GOD, and everything will work itself out. We would appreciate your prayers as we go through this stage in our life, and we want a baby in Gods timing as hard as that is for me to say sometimes (I want a baby NOW), it is still our constant prayer.

Christmas County Spelling Bee

As I mentioned in my last blog I am working on a Christmas Musical for the kids at church.  The musical I chose is called "Christmas County Spelling Bee".  And let me tell you know it is sooo sweet.  We had our first practice last night and the kids responded well and I really feel that the kids will enjoy it. 

I was talking to Erica my best friend about a musical we did as kids at Cowee.  Its crazy how vivid those memories are and how precious they are to recall.  I want that for every child, to be involved in something.  There is something to be said to dedicate yourself to seeing something through to completion.  To look at what a hot mess the first practices were and then how wonderful the finished product was.  It gives hope to kids that as hard as things may be at first it will get better.  But more important than anything else I want them to sing to an audience of One.  I want them to sing and praise Jesus.  If children don't learn how to praise and worship how can they be expected to do it as a teenager and adult? 

The first time I heard the preview to  "Christmas county spelling bee" I felt drawn to it.  It teaches the kids the many different names of Jesus.  How great is that?  When my children are in need of guidance and looking for the right decision I want them to call on the Wonderful Counselor!  When my children are in need for God to provide their needs I want them to call the name of Jehovah!  God our provider!  When my children are torn in their spirit and seeking peace I want them to know Jesus is the Prince of Peace.

I will keep you updated on the progress being made but I am excited beyond words!  Your prayers are greatly appreciated, there are little souls in need of Jesus and my prayer is that this play will lead them into a personal relationship with Jehovah, The Prince of peace, our wonderful counselor. 

No news is NOT good news

So here I sit...it's Monday.  Gabby was supposed to be here on Thursday or Friday...and now its Monday and gabby isn't here.  To say I'm OK with the waiting would be a lie.  For a little while today I had the biggest most ridiculous pity party you have ever seen in your life, I had to put a stop to that.  Dwelling on sorrows never got anybody anywhere.  I have an abundance of blessings its time I dwell on those.

1.  I have an amazing husband.  He keeps me grounded and lets me fly all at the same time.  He is an amazing father and my partner in all things. 

2.  Ethan's adoption is drawing near!  I wonder what it will feel like to have a child that is forever mine and have the paperwork to prove it!  I know it will be an awesome feeling.

3.  I am able to stay at home with my babies...in this day and time that is not something to take for granted or take lightly. 

4.  Fall weather is approaching!!  I do love the summer and you will not ever hear me complain about the weather no matter how hot, cold, or rainy.  I really find weather complaining to be silly.  However I love all things fall!

5.  If God sees fit to not return gabby to us there is a purpose far greater then I can see that is taking place.  I was able to know her for almost 3 years and how precious that time is to me.  I count it as a blessing to have had her in my life when I did.  I pray for her return, and I also pray for the understanding my heart will need if she doesn't come home.

6. And I am most thankful that this is my God.
  Isaiah 40:31 (The Message)

27-31Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,

or, whine, Israel, saying,

"God has lost track of me.

He doesn't care what happens to me"?

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?

God doesn't come and go. God lasts.

He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.

He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.

And he knows everything, inside and out.

He energizes those who get tired,

gives fresh strength to dropouts.

For even young people tire and drop out,

young folk in their prime stumble and fall.

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.

They spread their wings and soar like eagles,

They run and don't get tired,

they walk and don't lag behind.