6 Years Ago

Six years ago a little boy came into the world.  He was named Ethan Paul Johnson.  Despite all her efforts his biological mother would not be able to take care of him due to severe illnesses.  She would pass away two years later.  Two years after that the state would rule that his biological father was also not eqquiped to handle this now four year old little boy.  Four years of life had not treated Ethan the best.  He was worn down.  He was angry, lost and scared.  He didn't know about love, or compassion.  He knew about survival. 

Six years ago I was in unfortunate circumstances that I had created all by myself.  Unlike Ethan the only person I could blame the mess of my life on was myself.  I was doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it with no regard to who I hurt.  I was hiding behind a mask and I no longer knew who I was or what I was doing.  Instead of re-evaluating my current situation and making efforts to improve myself I dug deeper and deeper into a life of sin and diseption.  I was angry, lost, and scared.  Over the next few months I would lose everything.  My familys trust that I had worked 20 years to build.  I would lose a relationship that I no longer needed to be in but was to afraid to end.  I would come very close to losing my life.  The worst part...I would lose me.  I wasn't funny, or joyful.  I didn't crack jokes and laugh.  I was hard, bitter, ugly, and in complete and total shambles.  I was far away from God's will for my life.  I was to ashamed to pray, and to proud to ask forgiveness.  Surely God had forgotten all about me.  I wanted God to forget about me, I didn't want God to see what I had become. 

In January 2005 God hadn't forgoten all about me.  He was working out a plan for my life when I was drowning in sin.  He brought a little boy into this world that would later become my son.  I couldn't have comprehended what God was doing six years ago even if you would have told me.  Ethan is the grace of my life.  Ethan proves to me everyday that no matter where I am or how far away I am that God will never and has never forgotten about me.  He is currently working out a plan for my life that I can't comprehend.  When I deserved to die in the mess I had created completely and utterly lost God's mercy was creating a life for me better then I could have ever imagined. 

Ethan would need a mother who could take care of him, who was not plauged with sickness.  A mother who could provide for him what his biological mother could not.  In 2005 I was not that mother.  I was selfish and unable to make wise desicisons for my life, let alone the life of a child.  God knew all this.  He knew what it would take to bring me back to Him.  He was molding and shaping my future all along. 

I'm not proud of that time in my life, and I don't offer up this story very often.  God delivered me out of my old lifestyle renewed my joy and restored my heart.  I was never too far that the hand of God could not deliver me. 

I don't know what I felt like of January 15th of 2005.  I often wonder if that day felt different, if I had a renewed hope for my future.  My son came into the world that day, and he would need me to be the best mother I could be when it was time for me to step into that role. 

In June of 2009 I met the grace of my life.  He came in the body of an angry little boy.  A little boy who had faced more in four years than any adult that I know.  He had been abused, neglected, and forgotten.  He looked at me and Allen with nothing but distrust and hatred.  I knew within the first 24 hours that he was my son and we fought every single day to keep him with us.  I recognized his fear, identified with his hatred, and lost myself in crying over his abandonment.  I had been there, I remembered those feelings and I knew God had sent him to me so we could help each other.

That little boy turns six today.  He has a bright future ahead of him and is excited to embark on every adventure imaginable.  His new name is Ethan Riley Pruitt.  He has a mommy and a daddy who love him more then words could ever say.  He is and always will be the grace of my life.   

Happy Birthday Ethan Riley Pruitt!