The key lime pie fiasco

I've become pretty fond of my Urologist.  He's a nice guy.

He doesn't laugh at me when I tell him that I think I'm dying of kidney stone pain.
He doesn't yell at me when I don't obey his bed rest orders.
He doesn't get irritated when my 2 boys destroy his waiting room and my teenager sings "California girls" to the top of her lungs while listening to her ipod.
He never wears a brown belt and black shoes (a total pet peeve).
He always tells me I look nice even though I am wearing 2 day old stretch pants and my shirt has a stains.
He calls and checks on me because he knows I'm not following "take it easy" orders and makes sure I'm doing OK. 
He's the perfect age.  To old to be considered hot and to young to be old.  Like a cross between your father and grandfather. 

He's a nice guy.  I'm fond of him. 

(I'm not fond of his book keeper who charges me insane amounts of money...but let's not go there).

As it turns out every single time I've been to his office it has been jammed packed with old people...who are most likely wearing depends and taking that pill that helps you not have to pee 1 million times a day.  Anyway, my point is I'm typically surrounded by little old ladies and little old men when I go. 

The last time I was there (2 days ago) this sweet little old lady had baked a loaf of HOMEMADE sourdough bread for my dear doctor.  It smelled DIVINE!  For a few moments I was not consumed with kidney stone pain because I was drooling over the smell of this bread.  Apparently the sweet little old lady is fond of the doctor too. 

When I got back to my room all I could hear was how wonderful this lady is and how sweet she is and how amazing the bread tasted.  Immediately I knew that as soon as I felt better I would bake the fond doctor something fantastic and he would forever love me.  I am not to be out done. 

Well I have to go back to my fond doctor tomorrow and I decided to make him a key lime pie.  It is easy, simple, and tastes great!  I've had a little bit of a relapse today and haven't felt the greatest so easy and simple appealed to me. 

I bought a graham cracker crust.  So that means all I had to do was mix eggs, lime juice, and sweetened condensed milk. 

Sounds easy right?  I've made it before...it was super simple then.  Surely nothing could go wrong. 

EVERYTHING!  EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING went wrong. 

First I accidentally bought evaporated milk.  NOT condensed milk.  Luckily I had a spare can of the condensed milk in the cabinet so I was still hopeful at the outcome.  Then without thinking I doubled the recipe....uh?   Why?  Why did I do that?

So now I have to start all over. 

I get everything mixed and it's time to take the crust out of the oven.  As I'm pulling it out the pan collapses and the ENTIRE crust falls in a bazillion pieces to the bottom of the oven.  So now I'm without a crust.  You can't have key lime pie without a crust.  It's sacrilegious.  I start crying and dramaticly fall on the couch asking my husband in the worst possible whiney voice you've ever heard:
"Well what am I gonna do now????  It's ruined!  Everything is ruined!!!  My life is over!!  My kidneys hurt!! I want to out do that depend wearing old lady who bakes sour dough bread!!!"

He calmed me down, wiped my tears, and told me to put it in the pie pan and bake it he would gladly eat it without the crust.  I responded with
"So????  You don't count!!!!  Your not my fond doctor!!!!  I quit trying to impress you years ago!!"

Ok...I didn't say that.  I'm not that hormonal...not today at least.

I put the key lime filling in the oven and set the timer for 15 minutes.  15 minutes later I go in to take it out of the oven and it is still jiggly.  I didn't even turn the stinkin oven on.  So the key lime pie is in the garbage disposal along with my ego.  My fond doctor will get nothing but my copay, a urine sample, and maybe an x-ray.  And now I have to apologize to my husband for being a drama queen. 

Anywho, this is a really easy pie.  You should make it.  I will never make it again but that shouldn't ruin it for you.  Here is the recipe.

This is not my pie.  I'm just here to point out the obvious.

Ingredients

• Crust
• 18 whole Graham Crackers (the 4-section Large Pieces)
• ⅓ cups Sugar
• ⅓ cups Butter, Melted
• _____
• Filling
• 1 Tablespoon (heaping) Lime Zest
• ½ cups Lime Juice
• 2 whole Egg Yolks
• 1 can (14 Oz) Sweetened Condensed Milk

Preparation Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

For the crust:
Crush crackers in a food processor or Ziploc bag. Pour them into a bowl and stir in sugar and melted butter. Press into a pie pan and bake for 5 minutes or until golden and set. Remove from oven and set aside to cool slightly.

For the filling:
Mix lime zest, lime juice, and egg yolks in a mixing bowl. Add in condensed milk and mix on high until smooth and thick. Pour mixture into crust and bake for 15 minutes.

Remove from oven, allow to cool, then refrigerate for at least 1 hour—more if possible.
Serve with sweetened whipped cream and more grated lime zest