When He Sings...

Allen and I can categorize our life as a couple into 2 separate parts. 

Life before Ethan.
Life after Ethan.

I don't think this is un common with most married couples.

There is life before you become a parent.
And life after you become a parent. 

It's the circle of life.  Hakunah Matata. 

I've never glossed over the fact that Ethan came into our lives like a tornado. 

Before: I had read about kids who come from troubled homes. 
After:  I lived with one

Before:  I had read and seen kids with severe adhd and oppositional defiant disorder.
After:  I lived with one.

Before:  I knew people who had preconceived and judgemental notions about race, and un ruley children. 
After:  I found out they were in my immediate circle.  And even (gasp!) in our families.

Before:  I'd heard about the love a mother has for her son.
After:  I experienced that passion.  In my life.  Every single day. 

Ethan's a fighter.  He had to be.  You don't survive what he did for as long as he did and come out passive and precious.  To survive He had to fight.  Every single day of his life for 4+ years.  I am so proud of him for getting through that time.  I am sad that in order to survive he had to fight, but I am proud he chose kicking and screaming over laying down and taking it. 

In a perfect world you could erase 4 years of trauma with 5 minutes of "we don't do that in this house". 

In the real world it takes work. 
And therapy.
And prayers.
And miracles.
and more therapy.
and more prayers.
a few more miracles.
more therapy.

God and therapy.  It's a good combo folks.  Give it a try.

Everyday we learn more about who he is, see more of who he is becoming, uncover more quirky funny personality traits, roll our eyes at stupid critical people..and teachers ;), and each day brings new insight into what his future may hold.  Some days it's good insight, and some days it's discouraging. 

When we've had a few days, and sometimes weeks of discouraging "stuff" come up I quickly spiral into annoying worry mother mode.  I speak things over him I shouldn't, I take on all the hiccups of his journey on my shoulders and lose myself and my sanity wondering what we shoulda, woulda, coulda, done differently. 

Parenting is jam packed full of "you really could have handled that situation better.  you have probably scarred your innocent children for life" kinda moments.  It's fun.  Not.

On Easter Sunday we had about 2 hours of traveling to do.  Since I like to be the boss of what kind of music we listen to I quickly had southern gospel music blaring through our speakers. 

My son gave me a real life Jesus encounter during that car ride. 

As Vestal Goodman was playing He was singing.  He knew every word.  When one song was over he'd ask for another "church" song.  For 2 solid hours my son sang his little heart out. 

Through music he knows the Word. 

It gave me peace.  People can say what they want.  Ethan knows the Word of God. 
You can put ten thousand labels on him and roll your eyes when he doesn't make the kind of progress you think he should.  But God has the hairs on that babies head numbered and I leave HIS future in HIS creators hands. 

He is different.  Different is good!  Different is great!  God can use his differences and do things with Ethan I can't even dream of!  John the Baptist was a wierdo!  He ate bugs in the woods!!!  Not normal!!!  Did they try and medicate him?  Stick a stupid label on him? Most likely.  But John knew Jesus...and most importantly Jesus knew John.  So weirdo John turned out o be a pretty big deal.  Booya!

It isn't my job to break Ethan's will.  In fact if I break his will in hopes of turning him into a normal little boy than I have left him more damaged than I found him.  It is my job to lay him at the feet of Jesus who has the ability to do exceeding and abundant things with his amazing fighting spirit. 

It's my job to encourage his individuality.  Not turn him into "every other kid".
It's my job to seek out people with more knowledge than I have and find out new ways to help him be who God wants him to be. 
It's my job to say "Don't talk about or to my son that way ever again.  God's got him."
It's my job to be his soft place to land. 
It's my job to plead the blood of Jesus Christ over his life. 

In the midst of my mommy worry session.  Ethan showed me Jesus.  Thank you.  Every single bit of you makes me the proudest mother ever.