A few funnies

1.  When I have zero time to compose posts for this here blog I have nothing but wonderful, funny, life changing blog material rolling though my head.  When I have time to blog and can really sit down and produce something that's worth publishing I come up with jack squat.  I think this is officially known as writers block.  Is there a pill for this?  I'd totally pop that sucker.  Recently I thought of a solution to this problem.  I'd jot down blog ideas or important things I"d like to discuss on sticky notes.  Quick and painless and that way when I have time at 2:30am I can sit down and write out posts.  So at 2:30 the other morning I went through my sticky notes.  This is what I found...

"That funny story about Ethan"
"inspirational song on the radio"
"life changing lesson"

All those stupid little sticky notes did was prove to me that I have short term memory loss.  I couldn't remember any funny story about Ethan,  I had no flippin clue what song I was referring to, and what life changing lesson?  Huh?  Who wrote these stupid things anyway.  Not me.  Dory maybe but not me.  That's not even my hand writing.  Wait....that kinda looks like my handwriting.  Whatever.  Sticky Note Fail. 

2.  I'm childless for the next few days.  Well let me rephrase... I'm toddler-less for the next few days.  I still have my eldest to drive insane.  Do you know what toddler-less stay at home mothers are supposed to do during the day?  I'll tell you.  We are expected to get stuff done.  What?  Yep.  True story.  All excuses are gone.  Let me elaborate.

"Sorry hunny.  I haven't showered in 17 weeks, and yes I have been wearing these same clothes for 10 days now.  Do you have a problem with that???  Because let me tell you it isn't easy having 3 toddlers to take care of all by my own self during the day.  They destroy things and each other when left unattended.  I don't want that on my conscious.  Thank you very much."

"Do you mind picking up food on your way home?  I haven't had time to go to the store, or cook since....ever.  Do you have a problem with that???  Because let me tell you one thing right now YOUR children have driven me crazy today and it's a miracle we're still in one piece.  Be grateful for that.  I'll take a whopper.  Please. "

"So the bad news is our house is a mess. The good news is it's still standing.  I've been chasing around babies all day."

You get the point.  I could keep going...but I'll spare you.

My current circumstances leave me with a house that needs a good deep cleaning and no toddlers to keep up with.  My good excuse just flew out the window. 

Furthermore...

When I manage to be super productive during the day (rare.  very rare) and clean the house, do the laundry, while still keeping up with our sweet babies I'm considered supermom. 

"wow!!  how do you do it all??!!"
"Your house looks wonderful!!  How do you do it all?!?!?!?!"
"Supermom. Becky you are totally supermom."

That enough to make a girl feel good...and pressured...but still good. 

Do you know what happens when I'm at home with the dog all day and I manage to get things accomplished?

"Congratulations.  You got out of bed." 

It's a bummer.


3.  I'll leave you with a funny story...
While riding down the road in our kick tail gold mini van I ever so delicately slid my flip flops off and propped my size 9 un_manicured feet up on the dash.  I'm all about comfort.  At the exact same time a semi truck hauling cattle and 7 days of cow poop passed by.  At the time I just wrote it off as a semi.  No one has ever accused me of being observant.  I was unaware of the 17 day old poop aroma it was about to send barrelling into our van.  Moments after I jammed my nasty feet up on the dash a smell rises up inside our van.  It was one of those singe your nostril kinda stenches.  Being the lady that I am I oh so delicately slid my feet down off the dash and promptly stuck them back into my flip flops hoping that I was the only one who noticed the smell that followed my bare footed-ness.  I said nothing.  First smeller is the feller.  That's the kind of sound wisdom I grew up with.  A little bit later on down the road when the smell only got worse, AND I heard a loud "mooooooooo" coming out of no where I realized that it wasn't my feet that smelled bad at all!  It was traveling 77 day old cow poop.  I did a brief happy dance and stuck my feet back up on the dash.  Victory!  Being the southern lady I am I also shouted "ha!  that ain't my feet that stink!! SCORE!!!!!!!".  I'm just trying to keep it classy.  I do all I can when I can.