A letter

I have learned that the future with the children who enter our lives is filled with uncertainty.  We currently have a baby girl whose future with us is still unclear.  Things look promising...but that really doesn't ever mean anything.  It is the desire of our heart to keep our little princess and we pray that the road we are on leads to adoption.  If it does not I trust that the same God who brought this angel into our lives will protect her as she embarks on new journeys.  My hope is to be able to read this letter to her when she is older, if that is not able to happen my prayer is that she is able to find it and know that during her time with us she was loved, adored, cherished, and simply amazing. 

To my sweet baby girl,

You turned 1 yesterday!  I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that you have been on this earth for an entire year!  I wasn't there when God brought you into this world, and I wasn't there when he fashioned you inside your biological mothers belly.  It proves that this crazy mamma  doesn't have to always be in control of things...even though I think I do ;)  You had a rough start at this life but God held you in the palm of his hand then, and He still holds you there now.  You were important to Him then and you always will be.

You came to us on May 25 2012.  We found out you needed a home and we dropped everything to come and get you.  We were at the beach and drove all the way back to TN to pick you up.  Everyone was worried that our family vacation would be messed up, but that vacation will go down in history as the best ever all because of you. 

I prayed for you for such a long time.  I had almost given up hope on having a daughter.  In fact I prayed for all your brothers to be girls...you can wield that knowledge over their heads now!  That is just one example of  God knowing what is best for us when we do not.  Where would we be without your brothers???  They adore you, and they delight in you so much.  I am filled with joy every time I hear you and Ethan laughing with one another, and I'm even filled with joy (most of the time) when I hear you and Aiden fighting over...everything.  You're just one and they look out for you and protect you already.  I can't imagine how difficult a time your dating life is going to be...for that I am SO grateful! 

You are my dream come true.  I have always, ALWAYS wanted a girl.  I dream of the days when dress up clothes litter the floor, and sitting with you and your many baby dolls having tea parties.  I play dress up with you already...you hate that by the way.  You're happiest scooting around the house in a diaper ripping out the many hairbows I've begged you to leave alone. 

You are the apple of your Daddy's eye.  You squeal when he enters the room and his eyes light up when he sees you.  You are his little princess and I know he will move mountains to see you safe and happy.  There is nothing he wouldn't do for you.  You're daddy's little girl and nothing will ever change that. 

You love looking at yourself in the mirror...I'm convinced you already know how absolutely stunning you are.  You're obsessed with tags and you usually fall asleep holding onto you're taggie blankets.  You love to climb!!  It scares me to death but you never seem to see the danger in it.  You love running through the house in your walker and showing off your 2 bottom teeth.  Your favorite food is ice cream...and you really get upset when it doesn't get to your mouth quick enough.  You'll be taking your first steps any day now...I'm hoping you take your time.  You're growing up so fast I just want time to stand still for a moment. 

You are always happy, always smiling,and always charming everybody you meet.  You have never, ever, been anything but an absolute joy.  Every single day you bring so much light into my life.  I get sad when I must put you to bed, and can't wait to see your smiling face each morning.  Your smile melts my fears and worries.  You'll never know how thankful I am for that.  I had a wall up and you instantly broke down that wall and filled places in my heart that had been empty for a long time.  You have that ability, it is a gift.  You can help people believe again, hope again, love again.  Not everyone has that gift, cherish it. 

Thank you for coming into my life.  Thank you for making everyday so very wonderful.  I don't know what our future holds, but I know who holds mine, and I know who holds yours.  I surrender all my hopes and dreams for you back to the One who created you.  I love you today and forever.  Happy First Birthday baby girl.  

-mommy