Bitter and sweaty.

I did day one of couch to 5k today.

Here's why...

1.  I watched "The Talk" yesterday.  I've never watched "The Talk" before...but it was no makeup Monday and I really wanted to see how ugly natural the co-hosts looked.  I was trying to feel better about myself.  It backfired.  Julie Chen looks 13 without make-up.  Not a bad age to look if your over 40.  Anyway, while watching no make-up Monday Jamie Lee Curtis said she recently ran a 5k using this neato app.  Jamie Lee Curtis has grey hair.  If someone with a head full of grey hair can run a 5k then surely my fat tale can too.  Right?

Wrong.

I'm currently bitter about this whole couch to 5k deal.  It's just day one.  I'm hoping my mood will improve.  But until then I'm going to use this space as my outlet to vent. 

On day one of this en-devour here are my thoughts...

1.  I'm fat.  Some would say obese even.  And if I'm bloated I might just qualify as morbidly obese.  Things flop.  Areas bounce.  The body jiggles.  Everything vibrates.  Places sweat.  Joints scream.  My eyes take a beating from the area that bounces. I can't see my feet because of the sheer volume of the bouncing area.  I'm not really sure what not being able to see my feet has to do with anything but it's something else to be bitter about. 

2.  I have lost all respect for my neighbors.  I'm trying to go for a brisk walk.  I do NOT want to talk to you.  Do not come out of your yard to greet me.  Do not try and talk to me about the state of our school system.  I do not care about the people down the street who are violating the homeowners association rules.  I'm sorry but no I have not seen your cat lately.  I can't breath, I'm clutching my chest in true heart attack style, and I'm trying not to follow the light.  I am fat.  I can't talk and walk semi fast at the same time!  Just ignore me.  Please!

3.  I got overwhelmed tonight.  By "tonight" I mean the past 2 weeks.  I have a lot on my plate...but I put a lot on my plate so I'd rather not play that card.  The swift walk helped me stop focusing on the overwhelming stuff of life and focus on how much I really hate exercising.  So...that's a perk right???  I couldn't wait to see my families faces again.  Mainly because I had to pass those faces to make it to my bed and pass out.

4.  If I was rich I'd pay a surgeon to fix my fat-ness.  I'm a fan of instant gratification. I'd get a tuck in about 876 places, then a lift, then some botox, then some restilin, then some face peels, and then I'd be poor again.  But I'd be skinny!!!

That's all.  I'm happy to be home.  Alive.  With a tube of icy/hot and a bottle of tylenol.