I said that?

A list of things I never thought would come out of my mouth....ever.

1.  Ethan!!!!  Why do you have worms in your pocket??????
2.  Quit drinking your bathwater!  I have no idea if you've peed in it or not!
3.  Please stop licking your knee, I've told you 3 times already!
4.  Can someone help me please????  I'm stuck on the washing machine!
5.  Ethan get the tampon out of your ear it isn't a q-tip.
6.  Stop sitting inside the refrigerator!  Our food will ruin and it's just odd!
7.  I can't remember the last time I took a shower.
8.  Coloring a picture of a monster and putting it underneath your bed does not actually mean you have monsters under your bed.  But that is very creative!
9.  Yes, you have to wear underwear to school.  And yes, your teacher called me and told me about you taking your underwear off at school yesterday and throwing them in the garbage.  You're busted!
10.  If you crawl in my lap one more time and fart I will sew your rear end together.
11.  If you crawl in my lap one more time and "accidentally" burp in my face I will sew your lips together.
12.  Who put hairspray in the microwave???????????
13.  My name is Mommy.  It is not "hey hot chick".  Thanks though. 
14.  How in the world did you fall asleep inside the laundry basket?
15.  Please remove the maxi pad from your forehead.  That doesn't make you a super hero. 

Yes, this is my life.  No, it isn't some crazy dream I will wake up from.  Wanna come for a visit?  Only the brave venture into these waters!