Late Night TV

Recently Allen has been experiencing a touch of "late night fever".  He's been burning the late night oil.  A night owl.  Are there any other analogies I'm leaving out?

Anyway, I've rather enjoyed this new side.  I've always been a late night person my whole life (and a HORRIFIC morning person) so it's been nice to have someone to talk to in the wee hours of the morning other than myself.  I've talked to myself for so long I'm running out of topics to discuss. 

The other night Allen had control of the remote at 2:00am in the morning.  You really have to be wise about what channels you find yourself on late at night.  You might be encouraged to buy the latest and greatest workout DVD, or the slap chop, or be introduced to the 1-900 numbers.  For the record I've never dialed a 1-900 number mainly because I don't want my phone to develop an STD.  I'm certain it's possible. 

Allen isn't well versed in late night TV...mainly because he's always been well versed in snoring DURING late night TV.  I thought it best to let him learn the late night TV lesson the hard way, and I really needed a good laugh.  Here's how it went.

First he landed upon a holy rolling preacher telling me if I would sign over my 401k, life savings, and 56% of my weekly wages all my prayers would be answered and I'd be blessed and highly favored.  I contemplated this momentarily and then snapped back to reality.  Listen here folks, my womb has been barren a long time if I thought my 401k, life savings, and 56% of my income would fix the barrenness I just might be tempted to call in.  Reality slapped me in the face and I remembered I have a houseful of beautiful babies and I'll need all our financial resources to buy groceries this week.  Foods expensive. 



Allen grew irritated and the money hungry evangelistic channel and landed upon....
You'll never in a million years guess it. 
Any ideas?

He somehow landed on Jerry Springer.  I know, I know I couldn't believe it either.  Shocking. 
What was mind blowing was he DID NOT change the channel.  Jerry Springer is something you can't linger upon.  You have to pass it right up before the images start appearing on your TV screen or you're in it.  Jerry Springer is a lot like Lay's potato chips...once you open the bag your a goner.  It's best not to have it in sight. 

The conversation happening before our eyes had us both rolling with laughter.

Baby Mamma was fighting with the Baby Daddy cause he done up and left them for a 3 cent stripper.  So baby mamma started cheating with her baby daddies best friend.  Then some character named DaQuandra turned up pregnant with El Salvador's child.  But she wasn't real sure who da baby daddy really was cause she done be drunk that night and couldn't really remember.  To top it all off Bobbi-Jean was gonna have to leave her white trash boyfriend cause she couldn't put up with his honky-tonkin' no more.  If he didn't decide to straighten up and leave the pool hall alone she was gonna leave that fancy trailer park for her mamma's in Alabama where she was gonna rekindle an online romance she'd put on the back burner.  Just when the train wreck had reached beyond despicable Jerry cuts to his "words of wisdom".  This is where I wanted to throw sharp objects at the t.v. screen.  I have a gut feeling that the following cast of characters weren't moved to change during his speech.  I have this gut feeling because chairs, and fists were being flown in the background while women in the audience were trying to win a fancy set of "Jerry beads" by showing off what the good Lord intended them not to show...hint hint hint. 

I think Allen learned that in the wee hours of the morning you need to find one of the 45 channels showing reruns of law and order and leave the remote alone.