Kick the Bucket List

It's a going trend these days to make a list of things you WANT to do before you die.  I have a bucket list...it changes often.  It swings from one thing to another a lot like my moods ;) 

The following list is NOT a bucket list.  Let me say this one more time the following list is NOT a bucket list.  This list is compiled of things that would cause me to kick the bucket.  I don't ever ever anticipate willingly agreeing to doing any of these things and if I do I'll probably want to kick the bucket. 

So, I'm going against the grain and sharing with you my....

Kick the Bucket List!

-Have an Empty Nest
The Bill Cosby show was a regular source of entertainment and laughter when I was growing up, and I still catch it from time to time on various channels.  One thing that underlined every episode was Cosby's excitement at the aspect of not having kids in the house anymore.  As it turns out I don't think there was ever a time when Cosby's dream comes true because there was ALWAYS kids in the home and a lot of the time they weren't his biological children! 
Let me tell you straight up I always want kids in my home!  Now, that doesn't mean I want Ethan to still live at home when he's 35 years old mooching on my couch and staying in his pajamas all day playing his x-box.  I want our children to grow up, follow the path God leads them to and live in accordance to HIS will for THEIR lives.  Take note!  I did not say societies will, or my will, but God's will.  Insert personal opinion:  I think parents need to embrace the importance of God's will vs.  the "normal" dreams and aspirations society has created.  I'll jump off my soapbox now and get back to the point. 
I always want children in our home as long as we are able to provide and take care of their needs.  I love the joy and hard work that children bring.  The thought of a home that isn't filled with children doesn't appeal to me at all!  PLUS the more children I take care of increases the likely hood that at least one of them will take care of me instead of putting me in a nursing home. 

-An African Safari
Visiting AFRICA is on my bucket list.  I would like to stay in the city where there's an orphanage. So, I can....
a.  Say I've been to Africa
b.  Adopt 500 beautiful African babies

But being IN the JUNGLE with lions, cheetahs, and flesh eating carnivores is not something that makes my heart go pitter pat.  I have a great deal of respect for flesh eating carnivorous wildlife but my respect is best at a distance.  I'll tune into National Geographic occasionally or the Animal Planet.  That's it.  No more for me.  The zoo freaks me out....the jungles of Africa would send me over the edge.  While we are on the topic of flesh eating creatures I also have zero interest in swimming with sharks.  Why?  Because I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

-Tornado Chasing
This is actually on Allen's bucket list.  He has always told me he would love to chase a tornado at least once in his life.  My thoughts are if I chase a tornado it would end my life.  There are places that have alarms that go off alerting millions of people that a tornado is coming, we have TVs that flash tornado WARNINGS and watches.  I translate that to mean we are to stay away from them at all costs.  Evacuate!  Leave the premises!  Relocate to the mountains!  Stop, drop, and roll!  But for the love of pete DON'T go close to them ON PURPOSE!  Insanity.  Allen will be making that trip to Kansas alone.  I have no intentions of being the next Dorothy, and I have no desire to visit Oz. 

-Be a ghost hunter
I'm perfectly fine being a ghost hider.  I don't want to hunt one, see one, believe they exist, talk about them, think about them, acknowledge them, nothing.  Just typing this gives me the heebie jeebies.  I don't want to hunt ghosts.  Ever.

-Jump out of a plane
I'm large (and in charge! bahahahaha).  I don't trust a parachute to keep me from descending rapidly into the ground where I would break every bone in my body.  Big girls fall hard.  And despite all the padding we don't bounce.