Parenting Men

Many years ago I heard Dr. Phil giving parents of young children a valuable piece of advice.  When I heard this I was still in high school and didn’t give it much thought.  But recently it has been weighing heavily on my thoughts.  He said “You’re not raising little boys and girls, You are raising men and women” .   Stop for just a second and really think about that statement.  I can promise you that if you really think about that statement and how it plays out in your parenting you may start to change a few things.    This really hit home for me.  I started looking at the decisions I am making for my children and began to wonder if I am helping them become responsible adults or if I am teaching them how to be good children. 

I’m not saying that I am going to be a hard nose about every issue.  This is the only childhood they will have and I want it to be the best it can be.  I want them to embrace the carefree spirit that only a joy filled child can experience.  I want them to laugh and play and not be consumed about things that adults have to deal with.  As much as I would love to keep Ethan a little boy, I also know that this isn’t a reality.  It isn’t a fantasy I can afford to buy into.  I have a small window of time to instill Christian principles that he will need when faced with adult decisions.  Unfortunately society is making this window smaller and smaller.  Decisions that teenagers have no business making are appearing earlier and earlier in their lives.  If I don’t use every moment I have now, then I am wasting valuable time.  Here are some areas I am working on when parenting the little ones in my home.  I struggle every day and I’m not pretending to have this figured out.  But I saw an area that needed work and I am trying to improve. 

I have a tendency to want to spoil Ethan rotten!  I don’t want him to want for anything.  I want life handed to him on a silver platter.  I have a great deal of control over this if I am parenting a little boy.  I can buy him the things he wants, I can fix him the food he loves, I can pick up after him and never make him lift a finger. 

If I embrace the idea of “raising a man” then everything I mentioned above changes.  I bet we can all think of an adult we know that acts like a spoiled rotten child.  They aren’t pleasant to be around, and they don’t bring a lot to the table.  If the world isn’t constantly revolving around them and their needs then they make life as miserable as possible.  The world doesn’t hand things to us on a silver platter.  Chances are you will have to put forth work to get something in return.  We are trying to teach Ethan that in order to “get” then you must “give” something.  If he wants hot wheel cars then he must do something to earn them.  They aren’t an automatic purchase every time we enter the store. 

Facts are facts.  I will not always be there.  OUCH!  That was extremely hard to say.  As much as I don’t like this reality it doesn’t change its value of truth.  Mommy won’t  be there to pick up behind him.  I won’t be making his bed every morning, I won’t be cleaning up his messes, I won’t be going behind him fixing what he messes up.  It is Ethan’s responsibility to keep his toys picked up.  If he wants to walk into his room without a Lego cutting into the flesh of his foot then he needs to pick them up when he’s finished playing with them.  This isn’t a rule he is currently embracing.  I still have to tell him to clean his room multiple times a day, he reluctantly does it and each time he realizes that his world isn’t ending because he has to take a break out of his busy childhood to pick up his messes.  I don’t expect this to change anytime soon, and that is ok.  I will continue to force him to clean up his mess for many years to come if that is what it takes.  I’m doing this because he will make messes in his life.  He will make wrong decisions, and then have to face the consequences those choices bring.  I can’t clean up the messes of his life, I will want to.  I will desperately want to sweep in and erase all the negative and replace it with rainbows and sunshine…is that raising a man or is that raising a boy?  A man takes care of his responsibilities.  A man learns from his mistakes and makes every effort to correct the wrong.  Great men make mistakes every day, then they pick themselves up and try again. 

I am trying to put my parenting under a microscope and find ways to improve how we operate.  Are you raising little boys and girls?  Or are you raising Men and Women of God?