Panic

Before I had children I always put more on my plate than I could handle.  Everytime I told myself I would never do it again.  Everytime I did it again. 

Now that I have children nothing has changed.  I still put more on my plate than I can handle, I've quit telling myself I won't do it again. Pointless really. 

Here is what happened today...

I woke up feeling really good about the day I had planned.  I am making quite a bit of progress on the Christmas Play and patted myself on my back because that is all I had signed up to do this year.  After working the majority of the morning on the play I wrote down my grocery list because I really wanted to make Christmas Candies all day tomorrow.  I went and picked Ethan up from school, and we ran to wal-mart so I could get all the things I needed for a fantastic day of baking tomorrow.  After returning home I cleaned the house up a bit, did some laundry, and set out to work in the garage.  I was so happy with the work I had done I did a little dance to celebrate!

Then the phone rang....

It was Ethan's teacher. 

After a few minutes of small talk she asked me how the preparations for Ethan's class Christmas party was coming...

Panic. 
Sheer, and utter heart wrenching, gut twisting panic.

The panic that happens when you lock your keys in your car and don't know where the spare is.

The panic that happens when you realize you've just poured bleach into a load of colored clothes.

I tried to mantian composure while speaking with Mrs. Watt's.  I wanted to cry... a lot.  I couldn't cry though, that would require me to breath.  I hadn't drawn a breath in what seemed like hours at this point.
 
She ever so nicely reminded me that the party was to be held on Monday the 20th.

(Side note:  The Christmas play is Sunday the 19th during the AM and PM service)

She also reminded me that I signed up for this at the beginning of the school year, and how grateful she was to see my eagerness to help.

 I didn't want to cry anymore, I wanted to say bad words.  I almost did but I was afraid my Ma would appear out of nowhere and pop my mouth, so I didn't cuss.

After ending the conversation I began to write down a list of all the things I'd need to make the party a smashing success.  Still feeling incredibly overwhelmed I convinced myself that I could still make it work.  If I managed my time just right, and in listed the help of my husband I just might be able to make it all happen.  I would be stressed out but I'm used to that feeling. 

I then decided to quickly check my e-mail and get busy party planning. 

A reminder popped up as soon as I opened my e-mail.  It was  the children's Christmas party at church TOMORROW...

Panic. 
Sheer, and utter heart wrenching, gut twisting panic.

The panic that happens when you lock your keys in your car and don't know where the spare is.

The panic that happens when you realize you've just poured bleach into a load of colored clothes.

I signed up to bake a ton of goodies for this Christmas party...o joy. 

I'll be pulling an all night baking party. 

I do it every time.  When will I learn?