A night away from home

Last month Allen and I had intended to get away for our anniversary...without the kids.

Here is the back story behind this.  Ethan's behavior at school has gotten "hairy" lately.  I could go on and on as to why I think this is happening but we'll skip that part.  Another blog for another day.  The week of our anniversary we made arrangements for Ethan to stay at Nana and papaws and nick to stay with a family who also fosters. 

All week we built it up because we knew Ethan really wanted to stay with Nana and Papaw.  Everyday we would say "Ethan if you can have a good week at school you'll get to stay with Nana and Papaw OVERNIGHT!!!!!!".  He'd get so excited and we just knew he'd come home with a good report from his teachers.  Well Monday came....bad note.  Tuesday came....bad note.  Wednesday came...worse note.  Thursday came...HORRIFIC note.  Friday came...a call from the principal (it wasn't a good phone call fyi).

Allen and I felt between a rock and a hard place.  We didn't want to reward Ethan with a trip to n&p's but we also knew it was our anniversary weekend and ALLEN really wanted to get away just the two of us. 
Long story short...  Ethan attended the anniversary weekend.

I was saddened, disappointed, discouraged, overwhelmed and mad that his behavior was out of control.  And at the same time relieved that we had put off being away from Ethan for just a little while longer. 

I have developed a fear to be away from my kids, or for my kids to be away from me. It has been over a year since Ethan has been away from home for more then a few hours at a time.   If you know the story with Anna and Gabby then you have some insight as to why this fear  grips my heart the way it does. 

One thing I know about fear is it is irrational.  It doesn't make sense.  I know that allowing Ethan to go away for a night isn't the end of the world.  He will come back home, and life will resume as normal.  I tell myself that, so why does the thought of him spending the night away from home torture me so?  That's right fear.  Stupid, irrational fear. 

Ethan is going to Uncle Jami and Aunt Melissa's house on Thursday for a sleepover.  He has had better days at school and he begged for his reward to be an overnight trip to their house.  Allen agreed...I did not.  This has nothing to do with Jami or Melissa they are awesome and Ethan ADORES them.  He will have a fantastic time and is so excited he can hardly stand it.  I however am panicking.

 I have to face this fear, or else I'll be the freak mom who cuts my child's meat up when they are 25 years old and wipes their mouth for them.

I also must face this fear because God did not give me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self control.  ( 2nd Timothy 1:7) 

Ethan, Nick and Ashley come to me with things they are afraid of and I quote this scripture to them and we try and work through it.  I can't be a hypocrite.  I must face this fear. 

So here we go Ethan's first night away from hom since his mom turned into a worry wort. 

Melissa will kill me if I back out on this, and Ethan will never forgive me.  Here is hoping we can make it through this milestone.  Stay posted I'll let you know how it goes. 

And here for your viewing pleasure is a picture of Allen and Ethan's face when I told them I didn't want him spending the night away from me.